Captain's Log, Day 6: Me and COVID-19 Have Bad Blood

One of my characters was Taylor Swift from her  "Bad Blood"
 music video. I'm clearly no makeup artist, but this was fun,
even if think I did use all of my remaining liquid eye liner. 

Date: April 5, 2020

Time of post: 8:45 PM

Quarantine Day: 21

Last Song I Listened To: “Falling Like the Stars” by James Arthur

Last Person I Communicated With: I sent a snapchat to several people

Last Thing I Ate: salmon with sweet potatoes and brown rice

Last Thing I Read: The Way of Thorn and Thunder by Daniel Heath Justice

Current Mood: pretty angry, tbh

One Thing I’ve Accomplished Today: recorded a PowerPoint for my class

One Thing I Want To Accomplish Today: make a grocery list

One Reason I’m Stressed Today: I’ve forced myself to think about my future, and I hate that

One Reason I’m Happy Today: several of us challenged each other to do “character makeup” as a 
quarantine game

Dear Apocalypsers,

When I told my best friend that I was writing an “apocalypse diary,” her first response was, “Wow that’s perfect for you! I’m sure you have a whole entry comparing this to Harry Potter!” (What can I say? I have a certain reputation.)

Now feels like the time for the Harry Potter post.

My other makeup character was Charlotte "Lottie" La Bouff
from Disney's The Princess and the Frog (2009). Based on
the fact that I already owned a tiara and pearls and stuffed
 frog, I think it's safe to say that this look was easier for me.
Lottie and I might be long lost cousins!

My little “check-in” log says that I’m pretty angry, today. And I am. I guess I have been for a while, but it’s just been little things, and I’ve finally snapped and decided to admit that this whole COVID-19 situation is really pissing me off. Whether it’s thinking about my 60-something, Type 1 Diabetic mother with other pre-existing conditions going out to get prescriptions for her and my 60-something father on kidney dialysis or having to listen to the most recent incomprehensibly stupid and ignorant thing that Donald Trump has said (though I’m trying to limit my news consumption as much as possible) or just losing one more day of what was supposed to be one of the best semesters of my life, there’s something every day that gets under my skin. But I brush it off, determined not to let it ruin my day or my week—I mean, I’m quarantined alone, so my mental health really, really can’t afford to let resentment and anger and anxiety build up, because I don’t have anyone on hand at 2 or 3 or 4 in the morning to bounce those feelings off of or to talk me down.

This week, though, it was a damn Facebook post about Harry Potter that pushed me over the edge.

The creator of the post, Joe Thomas (whoever he is), compares the experience of graduating seniors to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (2007). Thomas wrote, “What you are doing right now is helping the world stand up against a deadly enemy in order to protect countless lives. You are Harry Potter. You are Hermione Granger. You are Ron Weasley. […] You are being true to your school in the most unexpected of ways, and you will graduate with the honor of having played a key part in this fight. Your work so far and chance for further accomplishments haven’t been dashed. A world of opportunity will await you when we get past this” (Thomas). I get what I think he was trying to do. It was supposed to be another one of those messages of hope to graduating seniors who suddenly had the end of their high school or college experience taken from them. But what gets me about this post that the others of this “genre” didn’t is how Thomas so clearly views this as choice, as some big heroic act that’s poetic and beautiful in its own way.

A screenshot of Joe Thomas' Facebook post
that made me very upset.

But he’s missing Rowling’s whole freaking point.

They were children—seventeen years old dealing with the weight and hope of an entire world on their shoulders. Children who were never told the whole story, who figured out far too much on their own, who had to deal with death and threats on their life and a corrupt government, who were chosen for this ridiculous task before they even had a choice. The older I get, the more Deathly Hallows makes me cry, because it never should have been them. They shouldn’t have had to give up everything. They were kids.

Yes, these seniors are more like Harry, Ron, and Hermione than Thomas’ measly, wannabe deep Facebook post even begins to let on.

And what makes me so, so very mad, is that he doesn’t acknowledge their feelings. He doesn’t make it sound like these kids are “allowed” to be angry or sad. And that makes me, so mad that I’m seething as I write this.

I’m mad that graduation was cancelled.

I’m mad that I didn’t get to have my defense in person and hug my committee.

I’m mad that I haven’t heard Anne Longmuir’s rolling Scottish lilt in a month or that I haven’t been able to pop by Anne Phillips’ office just to say hi and have her tell me she’s proud of me.

I’m so, so, so mad that I couldn’t celebrate the biggest accomplishment of my life to date with the friends who helped me get here.

I’m mad that I don’t get to see my students twice a week and hear about their lives.

I’m mad that I’ve been to Aggieville for the last time.

I’m mad that I’m missing out on speakers that have been planned for months.

I’m mad that I can’t go to PCA in 10 days and have a “last hoorah” with my friends while presenting at a national conference.

I am so, so mad that this is happening when I deserve so much better.

And I deserve to be mad. I’m heartbroken. God, I know far too much heartbreak for someone who’s never had a proper first kiss.

I can be mad about what’s been taken from me while recognizing that it’s a necessity. I know that national and global safety is, objectively, more important that any of those things I listed. But that doesn’t help my heart.

A Twitter conversation between me, Lexi, and Dustin on April 4, 2020. (My contribution was added around 2AM on April 5th.)

So, Mr. Thomas, if you ever read this, know that you’re right. Those high school and college seniors and those finishing their M.A.s and Ph.D.s and graduating from law school and med school and culinary school and tech school and cosmetology school are an awful lot like Harry, Ron, and Hermione—and Ginny, who’s family pulled her from school and couldn’t leave their home because they were being tracked; or Susan Bones, who left school after finding out her parents had died; or Neville Longbottom, who tried to keep the morale up by fighting back in whatever way he could; or Luna Lovegood, who lost her home but her hope in her friend—but don’t try to make them think they’re heroes. That’s a burden and a pressure that they don’t need. They’re kids. And they should be mad that this is happening to them.

We all should be.

May the odds be ever in our favor,

Katie

Works Cited/Links Embedded:

Dale, Daniel et. all. “Fact-check: Trump says some states aren't in jeopardy from the virus, denies saying it would go away by April.” CNN, 4 April 2020, https://www.cnn.com/2020/04/03/politics/facts-check-trump-coronavirus-briefing-april-3/index.html

Thomas, Joe. A Facebook post comparing high school seniors to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series. Facebook, 27 March 2020, 8:43AM, https://www.facebook.com/joeedthom?__tn__=%2CdCH-R-R&eid=ARDYUk_vWOG4gM8VFVuF1MsXw_CAvQqhNl-d6RV1VGT1sqkllt1dgdeSynXG20OKg75lf3ZvUGLEOLpH&hc_ref=ARRlPokSvY9K78EU8VjrwEm2Lpwkh3UL20JHh8kjgG3XaU1gw4o2FzgGiK1JO1i2N7E&fref=nf. Accessed 5 April 2020.