Date: December 31, 2020
Time of post: 7:00 PM
Quarantine Day: 281
Last Song I Listened To:
"Lonely Hearts" by 5SOS
Last Person I
Communicated With: was talking to the family just a few minutes ago
Last Thing I Ate: either a homemade cookie or a sausage ball (I was helping Mom cook, so I definitely stole some bites)
Last Thing I Read: fanfic
Current Mood: So ready for this year to be over!
One Thing I’ve Accomplished Today: lots of social media posts--and my makeup!
One Thing I Want To Accomplish Today: make it to next year--ba doom tss!
One Reason I’m Stressed Today: WHAT IF NEXT YEAR IS JUST AS BAD AS THIS YEAR?????
One Reason I’m Happy
Today: W
Dear Apocalypsers,
To quote Jane McKeene,
who somehow started this whole Apocalypse adventure, “It has been a humdinger
of a year.” To quote Taylor Swift, who has brought some of the only genuine joy
to this year, “Long story short it was a bad time.”
But we’re here.
December 31st,
2020.
 |
| December 31, 2018--A happier time. |
My absolute favorite
thing about human nature is that every year, no matter what absolute horrors we
faced the previous year, we assume the next year will be better. And there are
some definite ways that I think 2021 will be better than 2020. New leadership
is at the top of that list. Was Biden the best candidate out of all the
Democratic nominee hopefuls? Not in my book. But is he infinitely better than
Trump? Yes; it’s not even a comparison. I’m happy to have him in office,
because it means we can start working toward making things better for so many
people. Change isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, but at least we can finally
start the damn race.
I was thinking about this
year—I don’t seem to have much else to do but think—and if there’s any silver
lining to the downhill dumpster fire that has been 2020, it’s that I’ve
actually learned a lot about myself. Holing up in my apartment alone with just
my cats has really forced me to come to terms with myself. For the first time
in a long time, I didn’t have to do anything to please anyone else. I put on
makeup when I wanted to because I wanted to. I wore cute dresses
on my occasional errand outings because I wanted to. I sewed a bunch of
patches onto a denim jacket because I wanted to. I baked when I wanted
to and tried new recipes and ate french fries for dinner. I watched trashy
reality TV and read fanfics and listened to One Direction and made Taylor Swift
PowerPoints for fun.
I made myself
happy and put myself first.
And that’s a huge
breakthrough for me, because I know that I spend so much of my time doing things
for other people. And, don’t get me wrong, I love helping people and doing nice
things just because, and I spent a lot of this year writing cards and
letters just because, but I can get carried away. I definitely do it, in part,
to avoid my own problems, but I couldn’t do that this year. It was, weirdly,
all about me. And that was uncomfortable and hard in a lot of ways, but also so
freeing. Now there’s still a part of me that’s panicking: “What if they don’t
like me when I’m not existing just for them?” And, like, maybe that’s a sign
that they shouldn’t be in my life anyway. It’s so easy to say all this now; I
guess we’ll see if I stick with it.
But I wanted to share
with you (and Future Me) the different media that got me through this year,
from songs to shows to books, because I’ve consumed a LOT of media:
MUSIC:
·
Fine Line,
Harry Styles—December 13, 2019
o
Fave Song(s): “Falling,” “Lights Up,”
“Canyon Moon”
o
Fave Song(s): “Two of Us,” “We Made It,”
“Don’t Let It Break Your Heart”
·
Heartbreak Weather,
Niall Horan—March 13, 2020
o
Fave Song(s): “Black and White,” “SanFrancisco,” “Still”
o
Fave Song(s): “No Shame,” “Old Me,” “KillMy Time”
·
folklore,
Taylor Swift—July 24, 2020
o
Fave Song(s): “invisible string,” “peace,”
“epiphany”
·
Confetti,
Little Mix—November 6, 2020
o
Fave Song(s): “Gloves Up,” “My Love Won’tLet You Down,” “Breathe”
·
o Fave Song(s): “‘tis the damn season,” “tolerate it,” no body, no crime (ft. HAIM)”
·
And here are a few individual songs that I
really enjoyed: “Wish You Were Sober” by Conan Gray; “Boys Will Be Boys” by Dua
Lipa; “killing boys” & “Finally // beautiful stranger” by Halsey; “I NeedYou Christmas” by the Jonas Brothers
But I also relived a lot
of music from the 2010s, because that was a great era of pop music. I had a
full blown One Direction phase for some reason. (Let’s be honest, I should
have been into One Direction in high school; like, everything about my
personality says that I should have been a huge Directioner [and, by
extension, that I should have been creepily obsessed with the short-lived
Taylor Swift x Harry Styles relationship of 2012-13].) But my friends didn’t
think they were cool, so I just…didn’t. And I kind of regret it, because I’m
like super into their music. I love a good boyband. So I familiarized myself
with all 5 of their albums and all of the drama around the band. It was kind of
like binge-watching 10 seasons of a show…and I’m so glad I didn’t have to live
through the drama in real-time. Anyway, I do think my favorite album of theirs
is Made in the A.M., but Four is a close second.
TV
Shows:
2020 is also the year
that I got a Netflix account. I had absolutely no time in undergrad or grad
school, and didn’t want to waste the $10 a month to never open the app, but
what better time to binge-watch than in the middle of quarantine. So here are
some of my favorite shows that I watched this year. I also included the
streaming service, since I also have an Amazon Prime account.
·
The Great British Baking Show,
Netflix; 8 seasons and counting: Yes, I jumped on this bandwagon, and it’s a
delight! Well, the first seasons are definitely far superior, but this show is
perfect for having on while I wash dishes, and I almost always baking after I
finish watching.
 |
| I love Tamal. What a mood. |
·
The Big Flower Fight,
Netflix; 1 season: It’s like GBBO but with flowers! It’s so, so wholesome! These
teams just make giant flower sculptures. I loved it. The cast was just as
colorful as the flowers.
·
Glow Up; Netflix;
2 seasons: This originally aired on BBC, and it’s a makeup competition show. I
loved it. I finished it in no time, and it was so, so cool and creative and
fun. Give me more of this.
·
Next In Fashion, Netflix;
1 season: I started watching fashion shows first, and this one was so fun. I
fell madly in love with one of the contestants. I hope they do more seasons,
because this is a good one. It’s just easy to watch.
·
Skin Wars,
Netflix; 3 seasons: It’s a body-painting competition show from the mid-2000s,
so this is prime mind-numbing reality TV. I don’t know, I just like creative
shows, and this one is…something.
·
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina,
Netflix; 3 seasons (the fourth is being released today, actually!): A darker
version of the Sabrina the Teenage Witch that I grew up watching reruns
of before school, but it’s so fun! I binged the first 3 seasons in about a week
and a half this summer, and I ended up doing a presentation on it at a
conference in November. I’ll link my presentation here!
·
Riverdale,
Netflix; 4 seasons and counting: Yes, I went down this rabbit hole…and I was
really, genuinely into the first season, and then it spiraled and sucked me in
and I couldn’t escape. There’s no logic to this show. It’s ridiculous. What
little plot is has is so full of holes that they twist the gaps into a surprise
in the next season, and yeah. It’s so, so bad. But it’s so good for 2020.
·
Peaky Blinders,
Netflix; 5 seasons and counting: Okay, a maybe unsurprising fun fact about me—I
love a good romanticized, historical mobster drama, and this show is all that and
British. It’s a wild ride, but it’s very good. No regrets.
·
The Queen’s Gambit,
Netflix; 1 season: I watched this whole miniseries in an evening, and it was
really captivating. I’m a sucker for any “woman enters a male-dominated
industry” storyline, so this ended up being really good. I shouldn’t have put
it off so long. I had it on my list since the day it dropped, but I didn’t
watch it until this week.
·
Dash & Lily,
Netflix; 1 season: OMG THIS WAS ALL THE GOOD HOLIDAY FEELINGS. SO WHOLESOME. SO
FUN. THIS IS WHY I LOVE YA. And it was co-produced by Nick Jonas, so the Jonas
Brothers had a cameo, and my life was complete.
·
New Girl,
Netflix; 7 seasons: This is a rewatch for me, but I love it. I honestly still
laugh out loud so hard every time.
 |
| This is equal parts ironic and hopeful |
·
Making the Cut,
Amazon Prime; 1 season: This was definitely one of my early binges, maybe even
in tandem with Next in Fashion. This series was also really cool and fun
(because I remember obsessing over Project Runway rerun marathons in
middle and high school). I also remember this show have a killer soundtrack.
·
River Monsters,
Amazon Prime; 9 seasons: I know it sounds weird, but this is the perfect show
to have on as background noise. I’ve watched all 9 seasons, and I can’t tell
you a single thing that happens. It’s great for having on while I’m doing
chores or crafts. I’ve also picked up some random facts about arapaima.
·
Bones,
Amazon Prime; 12 seasons: This is a family favorite, and I do love it, so a lot
of times I’ll pick a random season and just start watching. I feel like it
actually peaks around seasons 8 or 9 (and that might be a controversial
opinion)
Books:
Okay, I’ll be honest: I
didn’t read as much as I could have this year. Well, correction; I didn’t read
a lot of published books this year. For me, reading is exhausting,
and I mean that in the best way. I love “binge-reading.” If I had it my way,
I’d just read a book cover-to-cover and do nothing else all day…but I didn’t
really have the emotional energy for that this year, so I actually ended up
reading a lot of fanfic. And I can read hundreds of thousands of words of
fanfic a day…and I often did. Because I already knew the characters and
settings, it was so much easier to adjust to. I didn’t have to do the emotional
labor of getting to know characters and understand worlds. Fanfic is oddly
comforting like that. So if I did read anything—especially as the year wore
on—I wanted something that “read like a fanfic.” I want coffee shops and
unrequited high school love and secret witches and enemies to lovers and fluffy
fluffy fluffy fluff. Easy stuff. So here are some of my favorite books from
this year—it’ll be a short list.
· Dread Nation (2018) & Deathless Divide (2020) by Justina Ireland—these books are so good, like, wow! We read Dread Nation as part of my Apocalypse class, and I fell in love with Jane and Katherine and this wild world where zombies are overrunning the East Coast, and Kansas is this bizarre Old West dystopic utopia. So I bought the sequel in May and ate it up! I super recommend these books to anyone who likes YA dystopia.
·
These Witches Don’t Burn (2019)
by Isabel Sterling—This book is exactly what I wanted when I wanted a light
reading, high school romance/secret witches YA novel! It was sweet and funny
and emotional and just fun to read! It was very “domestic fantasy,” where
there’s no fantasy worldbuilding—just some normal teens with exes and secret
magical powers and an evil power coming after them. Classic. Love it. Can’t
wait to read the sequel.
·
Ship It (2018)
by Britta Lundin—This might very well be fanfic, because fanfic and
fandom is at the center of the storyline. And—exciting news!—it was written by
a writer of Riverdale! So you know it’s wild! It’s such an easy thing to
read, and, yeah, it’s more than a little cheesy, but it’s exactly what I was
looking for this year!
·
Felix Ever After (2020)
by Kacen Callender—After being promised this had a happy ending because I
refused to read anything sad this year (thanks Dustin!), I opened this book,
and I thought it was fresh and real and honest and fun, and it tugged at all my
heartstrings. To be fair, there are some not so happy parts of this book, but
it all works out!
·
The Black Flamingo (2019)
by Dean Atta—My first novel in verse, and this was a beautiful story about
identity and self-acceptance and strength. I think I read it in, like, 2 days!
It’s the kind of book that will leave you thinking for days, and the language—wow!
Honestly, put this one in a museum; it’s gorgeous!
·
My To-Be-Read Pile:
o
The Ravens (2020)
by Danielle Paige and Kass Morgan
o
The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (2020)
by Suzanne Collins (got it for Christmas!)
o
Tweet Cute (2020)
by Emma Lord (got it for Christmas!)
o
You Should See Me in a Crown
(2020) by Leah Johnson (I got it as a Secret Santa gift from Mikayla!)
o
Cinder
(2012) by Marissa Meyer (I got it as a Secret Santa gift from Mikayla! I’m
finally going to hop on this train!)
So that’s what I did this
year, and I genuinely enjoyed it. I also made a lot of crafts and only washed
my hair like once a week. I got a little bit better at makeup and learned how
to pose in a picture and not hate how I looked. That doesn’t seem like a lot,
but those are some big wins for me.
I also, you know, passed
my defense, got my Master’s degree, had a very exciting academic thing happen
(if you know, you know), and am teaching full time now while I wait out this
pandemic.
I made some Twitter
friends, thanks in part to that conference, and I’ve actually managed to write
some. Not a lot, but some. So I’m so excited what the future holds. I can’t
help but think there are good things on the horizon, and I think that’s because
I am doing what I enjoy. And I don’t want to be ashamed of those
things (like I might have been in, say, high school). These are the things that
got me through the hellscape that was 2020. And that makes them good and valid.
And just because I like 2010s boyband pop and want to write 17, 000 words about
Taylor Swift’s new album and read stories with happy endings doesn’t mean I’m
not incredibly smart and fierce and capable of kicking someone’s ass if I need
to.
I am a woman.
I contain multitudes.
And you’re going to see
exactly what that means in 2021.
(As soon as we’re all vaccinated.)
Until then, may the odds
be ever in our favor,
Katie
(PS: I just realized that because I usually spend NYE in the Eastern time zone, this year is technically an hour longer than last year. And, honestly, how freaking fitting.)
I live in Central Time. I've spent the last 6 NYEs in Eastern Time. This year I'm not. So, of course, 2020 is an hour longer than every other year of my life.
— Katie Cline (@katiebethbug) December 31, 2020
How fitting. pic.twitter.com/I0OdkJc9sf
