Time of post: 11:50 PM
Quarantine Day: 61
Last Song I Listened To: “Ahead of Myself" by X Ambassadors
Last Person I Communicated With: Mikayla, Molly, Noelle,
Gina, and Dustin (Graduation Zoom!)
Last Thing I Ate: chicken potstickers (Graduation
Dinner!)
Last Thing I Read: student essay revisions (lol
#GTALife)
Current Mood: weird and nostalgic
One Thing I’ve Accomplished Today: went to WalMart
One Thing I Want To Accomplish Today: writing for fun
One Reason I’m Stressed Today: really need to figure
out summer/fall job plans
One Reason I’m Happy Today: treated myself to
Graduation Lunch from Panda Express, my parents sent me a graduation card, Zoomed
with the cohort, got so many sweet congratulations messages
Dear Apocalyspers,
Technically, this assignment is over. I did my 15
entries. But I’ve enjoyed this so much that I want to keep it up. (It’s funny,
Dr. Tatonetti said that our posts only needed to be around 250 words each
because that’s how many words fit on a double-spaced page, and this assignment
was meant to be equivalent to a 15-page final paper. With that criteria, my
last, like, 3 posts combined are at least 15 pages.) Maybe one day 70
years from now, my grandchildren will find this jump drive and plug it into a “vintage”
laptop and see all these posts. You know, our equivalent of finding our grandmother’s
and great-grandmother’s diaries from World War II and stuff?
 |
| Took some socially distant graduation pictures last week. My mom cried when I sent them to her. |
It’s so surreal. I still can’t really believe it. It
feels like just yesterday that I was getting my acceptance letter. I cried so
much. I was nervous when I saw “Kansas State University” in my inbox that I
made my best friend open it. Then, when I finally read it, I had to
reread it a half-dozen times, because all I could see was “Congratulations,”
and then my brain shut down. I literally couldn’t process the words because I
was so excited. K-State’s program was the program I always wanted but never
dared hope for. It checked all my boxes in ways that no other program did. I
came so close to settling for a different school, and I get chills when I think
about what I would have missed out on if I had done that. Moving halfway across
the country has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it’s been worth it
to be here, studying what I love with the top people in their fields. My mind is
boggled, and my heart is full just thinking about it.
I mean, the ending wasn’t idea. In a Facebook post,
Dustin called this, his third graduation (high school, undergrad, and now
graduate school) “the end of a trilogy, of sorts. And, like most trilogies,
this final installment didn’t quite stick the landing.”
I can’t say I disagree.
 |
| We wore masks because I'd rather laugh than cry. #MillennialHumor |
The Jonas Brothers released a new song today (happy
graduation to me!) called “Five More Monutes.” It’s a love song—Nick is
definitely trying to get Priyanka to stay in bed (a very similar vibe to “OnlyHuman” when he says “Only getting up to close the blinds, oh / I'm praying you
don't change your mind / 'Cause leaving now just don't feel right / Let's do it
one more time”)—but the chorus just fully encapsulates how I feel about grad
school: Give me five more minutes / I’m not finished loving you / I don’t wanna
end it when we’re just beginning.” I was telling my mom about it on the phone,
and I got choked up—throat tightening, eyes watering, the whole shebang.
Because what I wouldn’t give for just five more
minutes with my cohort.
If I had five more minutes—real
minutes, not Zoom minutes or socially distant minutes—I’d give each of them the
biggest hug without worrying if one of us had been exposed to COVID-19. I’d let
them have a sip of the new coffee from Radina’s. I’d toss my “Comfort Pillow”
at them, and we’d laugh about something that happened in class. I’d casually
tell them that they’re doing great and that I’m so proud of them as they headed
out the bullpen door. It would all be so mundane. But what I wouldn’t give for
a little “normal.”
 |
| Here's what my desk looked like before I cleaned it out earlier this week. It was Umbridge-themed, with cat plates and everything. |
I try so, so hard to love every
minute of my life, because I know that tornadoes can tear up a town in a matter
of minutes and that pandemics can shut down countries indefinitely, but there
are even things that I’ve taken for granted—like the sound of laughter from 007.
Or calling down the hall, “Mikayla, are you there?’ because I couldn’t be
bothered to walk down to her office. Or going to Nick and Noelle and
Katherine’s office for “a change of scenery.” Or leaving sticky notes on everyone’s
desks just because I miss them or they’ve had a long day. And all our walks to
the Union—sometimes two or three times a day—that always ended with me getting
coffee or ice cream when I didn’t mean to. (Oh, man, this is prime Call Hall
ice cream time, and now I’m extra mad!) Those are the little things that
I didn’t think I’d miss, but I do.
The most special part of my graduation day has been seeing
all my fellow graduates posting tributes to our cohort. I’m used to
being the one with all the feelings, the one who writes long, sentimental
letters, who makes elaborate graduation gifts (this year was motivational
canvases made with old calendar pages), who posts mushy things on social media—but,
this time, Lexi made a PowerPoint with pictures of all of us and little
messages. Molly made a YouTube video with the sweetest song (as Noelle said, it’s
the perfect Anne/Dianna romantic friendship song). Mikayla tagged me in a post.
Dustin wrote me a beautiful letter that made me sob and gave me a copy of his
Hogwarts/KSU cohort crossover fanfic.
I don’t feel weird or “too much” or out of place. I
feel like I belong with them. I feel loved. I’ve said it a few times, but I’m
so lucky to be a part of this cohort. Being with them feels like the stars all
aligned. I know that I was meant to know them.
And with this experience behind me, I do kind of feel
like the odds are in my favor.
Katie
Katie Cline, M.A.
Magister Katie Cline
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